Last night, Toby attended a 'guys' night out' with some family and friends. I decided that Sophia and I would have a Mommy-and-Me night! Where did we go for our evening of fun? Target, of course! I got some makeup, and Sophia got a little rubber ball toy thing from the one spot. We also ate while we were there. I loved having the time with her and letting her help me choose a lip gloss color.
The most memorable part of the night, however, happened on the way home. I stopped to put gas in the car. When I got back in, Sophia said, "Mommy, I want to wear uphill shoes that make noise when I walk, just like you." It took me a minute to realize what she meant. Uphill shoes = high heel shoes. I was wearing a pair of strappy brown sandals with about a 2.5" heel. For some time now, Sophia has been enamored with the idea of shoes that make noise when you walk. I think it's because so many of her friends have been in tap dancing classes.
She repeated the "uphill shoes" comment again, and I told her that only big people can wear uphill shoes. I told her that little girls don't wear uphill shoes, and that she will need to get much bigger before she can wear them. What I didn't have the heart to say is that she will likely never be able to wear shoes with any sort of heel. While she is doing extremely well in therapy and making lots of progress, we have heard from some of her healthcare professionals that she will likely always need some sort of orthotic in her shoes to help her walk, correct her arch, and/or help her with balance and prevent fatigue. Sophia is such a girly-girl, that I can easily see her growing up and being interested in make-up and fashion. That's totally fine. It's also totally fine if she decides to be a 'tom boy' and shows no interest in piercing her ears or learning how to apply mascara. I just want her to be happy. I pray that Sophia will one day walk truly independently. If that doesn't happen, she will probably have fewer options when it comes to footwear. For most women, this is a challenge, because we like to dress up. Bear in mind, I am aware that many people don't like/can't wear heels for comfort and health reasons. I don't wear them as much since changing jobs last fall. I guess I just want Sophia to have the option to wear what she wants.
I love that little girly girl so much it hurts sometimes! I want the best and most out of life for her. I don't want her to have to struggle as much as she does. I also want to make sure that I'm being the best parent and role model I can be. I want her to feel unconditional love an acceptance. I want her to be brave and strong and to handle whatever life brings. I want her to see her condition as an opportunity, not a crutch.
I don't want to sound as though I'm complaining. I'm not. There are many children with cerebral palsy who can't even walk! I'm thankful that Sophia is very mobile and helathy. I just wanted to share a sweet (and a little bittersweet) moment between mother and daughter!